Well, Brandon, spring is in the air and it is driving me crazy.
- You smell that? - What?
That sweet, overripe flower scent?
Nature's doing its thing. And it's turning me into a total dog.
Down, boy.
Oh, oh, put me on a leash.
- Who is that? - That is Darla Diller.
Haven't you seen her before?
I think I'd recall.
She's only the hottest babe at West Beverly.
She gives me this look every time I drive by her in my Vette.
- Darla, hi. - Hi.
She doesn't know it yet, but I'm gonna ask her to the Spring Dance.
- Good luck, buddy. - It's in the bag.
Besides, I hear she's got this thing for me.
Brandon, I already made a room reservation.
- What are you talking about? - The hotel.
The hotel where they're holding the dance, Brandon.
- Yeah? - Well, the dance
is only an excuse to grab a room.
- No kidding? - No kidding!
Yo! Listen up, West Beverly!
I am pleased to announce the names of
the four luscious young ladies you have chosen
to be this year's Spring Princesses.
Drum roll, please.
Maria Semple.
Amy Ganz.
- Kerry Kidnann. - He's such a geek.
And my own personal fave,
Kelly Taylor.
Congratulations, Kel.
You know, I've never known a Spring Princess before.
Well, welcome to the inner circle of life.
So, do you think she's gonna win?
- Win? - You know, Spring Queen?
Actually, I haven't given it a lot of thought, Andrea.
Are you
- going to the school dance? - No. Are you?
- No. - Personally, I hate to dance.
- You do? - Yeah.
I always step on people's toes, I have no sense of rhythm.
It's awful.
So, you probably wouldn't want to go even if someone asked you.
- I don't know. Would you? - Well...
I have fundamental ideological problems with teenage social rituals
that basically do nothing but exacerbate fears of total insecurity
and inferiority over one's own appearance while frenetically exploiting,
and I must hasten to add, distorting, the feminine ideal.
I mean, in an act which reaches its apogee
with the election of the Spring Queen.
Was that a yes or a no?
What was the question?
- Darla, hi. - Hi.
- You remember me? - I'm not sure.
- Steve Sanders. We say hi a lot. - Oh, hi.
Darla, you know, I don't think I've had a chance to mention
that I really think you're pretty gorgeous.
And I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Spring Dance with me.
We can go some place terminally hip for dinner,
check out the dance, see what the night has to offer.
- In your car? - Definitely.
Sorry. I don't do Vettes.
Well, that's all right, I'll... I'll rent a Jag! A Porsche! A minivan.
- Andrea, hi. - Hi, Brenda.
- So, did he ask you? - No.
At least, I don't think so.
- Well, did you ask him? - No.
Why not?
Andrea, there's nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out.
I know. I guess school dances really aren't my scene.
I mean, Brandon might come over that night,
you know, we might just hang out, watch a movie together.
But thanks for your help.
I guess the truth is, if he really wanted to ask me,
he would have asked me.
- Andrea... - Look, I got to run.
I'm gonna miss my bus.
- Have fun at the dance, huh? - Thanks.
- Well, Your Highness. - Hi.
- This guy giving you a hard time? - No.
Kelly was just nominated Spring Princess.
She had to be nominated?
Nat, do you mind if I talk to Brandon in private for a minute?
In this place there's no such thing as "private. "
What's up?
Brandon, do you have a date for the dance?
- Nope. - Neither do I.
You're kidding. You don't have a date?
You don't have to broadcast it.
- I don't get it. Dating's your life, isn't it? - I know, it is.
But out of all the cute guys at Beverly or West Beverly,
I've either dated them and never want to see them again, or they're taken.
All of the cute guys, except you.
- Well, thanks for the compliment. - So?
- So, come on, it'll be great.
I don't know, Kelly. I mean, I wasn't even planning on going.
- Rented suits and dancing. - I know. I know.
Brandon, I promise you, we'll have fun.
I will show you a really good time.
- Kelly, what are you doing here? - None of your business.
Well, you're just the person I was looking for.
Oh, is that so?
Well, I heard you're kind of dateless for the Spring fling.
Then I guess you heard wrong.
- Who are you doing with? - Brandon.
- Brandon who? - Brandon Walsh.
- I thought you said you weren't going. - I asked him.
I didn't think you'd mind, man, since you were going with Darla.
Well, I'm not.
Steve, Donna doesn't have a date.
Oh, great, that makes two of us then.
Well, come on, man, why don't you ask her.
We'll all go together. As friends. It'll be cool.
Is that how you guys are going? As friends?
Well, we're not going as enemies.
Come on, man, why don't you ask her? What can it hurt, huh?
Well, okay. I'll ask her.
But as long as she doesn't expect anything.
You should be so lucky.
Come on, man, fries are on me.
Brandon, call me. We have tons of details to discuss.
- Okay. - Bye.
- So what happened with Darla, man? - She cut me, she cut me deep.
- Hey, Donna! - Hey, Steve.
Look, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Spring Dance, Saturday night?
You know, it'd be totally platonic,
and you wouldn't have to pay for anything.
- Well... - Yes or no?
I... I guess. I...
I... I mean, yes. I guess.
- I mean... - Great.
Okay, bye.
Brandon, I was thinking, we could go somewhere great for dinner
like Spago or Le Dome.
But don't worry, since I asked you, it's totally on me.
The only thing you'll have to worry about is your tux rental,
something simple and black. No pastels, no velvet lapels or anything.
And my corsage, preferably an orchid wrist, and a limo.
Wait a minute. Who said anything about a limo?
Brandon, I'm a Spring Princess.
I can't exactly show up in a Melvin,
or whatever you're calling your car these days.
I hate to break it to you Kelly, but I can't afford a limo.
Brandon, it's okay, I think Dylan was gonna pay for that anyway.
Hey, guys.
Kelly, congratulations on Spring Princess,
- I think that's so exciting. - Thanks.
Brandon, what time do you want to come over Saturday night?
Oh, listen, Andrea, I kind of decided to go to the dance after all.
You did? With who?
Don't we make a great couple?
Hey, we can rent a movie another night, huh?
Right, Brandon.
Excuse me. I... I have to get to class.
I don't understand this.
I thought you said you didn't want to go to the dance.
Well, I thought you said you didn't want to go either.
- I'm doing this as a favor. - How charitable of you.
Andrea, she asked me to go, what was I supposed to say?
Right. I mean, what could you say
to one of the most gorgeous girls in the entire school?
Why are you so mad at me?
Please, don't flatter yourself.
Look, you told me that you could have the kickboxing story in by lunch.
Can I still count on that or should I slot something else in?
Sure, you'll have it.
So, guys, what do you think?
- Me thinks thou art styling! - Not bad, not bad.
Sure costs enough to rent these babies.
Come on, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
You gotta figure dinner, corsage, limo, hotel room, we're looking at...
500 bucks.
Oh, jeez, for that much money, you could be
spending an evening with the finest call girl in LA.
- No kidding. - Gentlemen, gentlemen.
The issue here is honor. You can't cancel.
That's easy for you to say,
you're gonna spend most of it in a hotel room with Brenda.
Is that true?
I told you, man, I don't talk about that stuff.
Good. Let's keep it that way.
Bran, aren't you planning on renting a room with Kelly?
Steve, we're just going as friends, you know that.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
She's got a thing for you, Brandon.
She's used to getting what she wants.
Smells like mothballs.
Slap on some cheap cologne, she won't notice a thing.
I have to find something fabulously hip.
I need something fabulously sexy.
Something incredible.
Something affordable.
No.
Gross.
Grosser.
Grossest.
This is it!
Oh, my God!
- I found it! - Let me see.
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Actually, it's tacky.
No wonder, look at the price!
It's a cheap knockoff of the real thing.
- You think? - Absolutely.
You can have it if you want.
- No, you can have it. - I wouldn't wear it.
What do you guys think?
- Donna! - It's outrageous!
- Hey, great dress. - Thanks.
- Hey, Bran. - Hey, Steve.
- Your limo has arrived, sir. - Thank you, sire!
Hey, guys, I kind of need some help here, please, anyone.
Great.
I think I need some help, too.
Steve, what's the matter with you, man? Put that away.
Relax. I'm not driving.
Yeah, he'll probably just puke all over everybody in the limo.
No, no, just on you.
Oh, hey, wait, before I forget.
Oh, wow. Thank you. It's beautiful.
- Well, here's yours. - Oh, it's very...
Hip?
Vegetable corsages are totally hot.
And that is the way I want you to look tonight in case I win.
Brenda!
Typical.
It's not gonna look good if I'm late.
Wow, just look at all of you. Everyone looks just...
What?
Kelly, you're wearing...
What? What is it?
Well, it's such a beautiful dress!
- I think it's... It's so beautiful... - Oh, my God!
Brenda, how could you!
You said you hated it!
You called it cheap and tacky!
You said you weren't gonna buy it!
Well, I changed my mind!
- Well, you'll just have to go change. - No, you're gonna have to go change!
Brenda, I am a Spring Princess.
Kelly, I don't give a damn.
Do you know how important this is to me?
Well, maybe you've made it too important.
Maybe you are just jealous.
You do know what this is gonna look like, don't you?
- What? - Like we planned this.
Like we planned to go as the Bobbsey twins.
- Hey, girls. - Hi, Dad.
What's all the fuss about?
Hey, come on, you both look gorgeous.
Now come on, let's have a little smile, huh?
Come on, all right.
Wait till you see this picture. You look just like the Bobbsey twins.
Excuse me.
I'll just put it on my wrist, okay?
- Hey, is everything okay? - Just groovy.
Okay, you beautiful people.
Let's get a picture, everybody together now.
- You look incredible. - Thank you.
And I can't tell you what else I'm thinking,
'cause your parents are in the room.
Watch the dress.
Okay, everybody get closer.
A little closer. Can you get closer?
I think she's hiding an army of midgets under here.
Okay, one, two.
Tell me about it.
Come on, we're gonna be late!
Gets them every time.
You are such a jerk.
Hey, hey, hey, come on, guys, it's supposed to be fun, remember?
That's right, damn it! We're supposed to be having fun!
Brenda, I have a great idea.
Why don't you and I stand on different sides of the room,
that way nobody has to see us.
Kelly, at this point, I'm sorry that we can't stay on opposite sides of the state.
- Guys! Help. - Brenda!
Guys! Help, please. Could someone help me? Oh, God.
Thanks a lot.
That dress is a dance don't.
Hey, hey, wait a second, relax.
It's like she thinks it's her night or something.
Well, it's not. Bren, this is your night.
Actually, it's our night.
Room 271.
Won't anybody notice that we're gone?
We'll make our appearance, and then we'll make our disappearance.
And you won't have to worry about your clothes for a while.
- Brandon, let's dance. - I told you, Kelly. I don't dance.
Oh, come on. I've gotta be seen on the dance floor.
Well, then, why don't you dance with Steve and I'll watch?
No, forget that.
Well, excuse us, we're gonna go dance now.
- Brandon, please? - All right, all right.
- Okay, Donna, hold this. - Sure.
Steve, do you want to...
- We... Oh, sorry. - Spit it out, Donna.
Would... Would you like to dance?
- Maybe later. - Okay.
There she is. Wow.
I don't think I've ever seen her looking so beautiful.
Yeah.
You know, 20 bucks says that she dances with me before the night is over.
You're crazy.
Put up or shut up.
All right, you're on.
What do you say? Fifteen more minutes and we make our exit?
Dylan, I'm a little nervous.
Bren, don't be, everything's gonna be great.
Yeah, well, that's what you keep on saying.
Look, it's just that we've been building it up for so long.
And it's not that I'm not ready, believe me, I am.
What are you trying to say?
Somehow you'll be disappointed.
Bren, we're not gonna be judging each other up there,
we're gonna be enjoying each other.
Well, I bet you used that line before.
Bren, you're not just another notch on my belt.
If that's what this was about, I would've had you up there months ago.
- Oh, really? - Yes, really.
So, what is this all about?
Don't you know? I love you.
I think you're a really great dancer.
If you can call this dancing.
I also think you look really cute tonight.
- And you definitely look more than cute. - Thanks.
Brandon, I... I have a confession to make.
What?
I've thought you were cute since the first day you moved here.
I'd say that's mutual.
So, what's been stopping us?
Well, not that I haven't given it a thought or two,
but number one,
you are one of my best friends' ex-girlfriend.
Emphasis on the "ex. "
And?
And you're Brenda's best friend.
Well, Dylan is your best friend and that hasn't stopped him, has it?
True.
And number three?
You know, I thought there was a third reason,
but I just can't remember it right now.
Well, sounds like two not very good reasons to me.
Looks like they're really getting along.
No kidding.
- Kelly, I don't know. - What?
Something just doesn't feel right.
Well, it feels right to me.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
I mean, I think you're very beautiful, but...
Brandon, don't you think we'd make a great couple?
I guess I don't.
It's like,
I know you too well or something.
Well, what if we were complete strangers?
I'd probably be in love with you.
Can't you fake amnesia or something?
I don't know, it feels like you're another sister.
That is probably the ugliest thing any guy has ever said to me.
- Thank you. - I'm sorry.
Having fun?
Steve, why don't you get lost?
Brandon, let me give you some advice.
Seeing that the two of you are getting along so well.
- Steve... - No, she doesn't care about you.
She may pretend to,
but the only person that Kelly really cares about is herself.
Hey, why don't you go and sober up, all right?
I don't blame you for going for it, though.
- It's fun while it lasts. - All right, that's enough. Come on.
Hey, hey. This is not a rented tux.
Steve, what's the matter with you, man?
You've been acting like a jerk all night long.
You said this was gonna be fun, Brandon.
"Ask Donna. We're all going as friends. "
I don't see any friends around here.
- Steve! - Brandon, just let him go.
I gotta talk to him.
- Steve, wait up! - Brandon, get lost.
Steve, you got it all wrong. I'm not going after Kelly.
Brandon, the hell with you guys! You're both history
- as far as I'm concerned. - You know that's not true, man.
You know I'm your friend. You're just drunk.
- You're not seeing things right. - I am not drunk!
I see things fine, all right?
- Do you know what today is? - No, what's today?
Today's my birthday.
It's your birthday? Why didn't you say something?
What am I supposed to do?
Go around and announce it to everybody?
Well, now I understand why you're so bummed, man.
We'll go out and celebrate after the dance.
No, forget it. I don't feel like celebrating anything.
Steve, there's nothing going on between me and Kelly!
I know that, Brandon.
Then why are you acting like such a jerk, man?
It's your birthday, cheer up.
Six months ago, I'm out to dinner with my mother
and she has a little bit too much to drink.
She starts talking about the past, things that happened 20 years ago.
Forget it.
No, come on, Steve, what is it?
She and my dad had been trying to have kids for a long time,
but they just couldn't make it happen.
So my mom goes to some doctor
who tells her that she could never have kids.
Yeah?
Well, they decided to adopt a child.
They adopted me.
Oh, man.
Only my mom waits close to 17 years before she tells me about it.
What did she think, I'd be better off if I didn't know?
Well, what did you say to her when she told you?
What could I say?
She's... She's Mom.
She's the only mother I've ever known.
And I know that even though she might not be perfect,
she loves me.
I just can't believe she's lied to me my entire life.
Yeah, but, Steve, it worked out.
Look at you, you're a great guy. You got a great life.
I try not to think about it.
Who my biological parents are, stuff like that.
Who cares? It doesn't matter anymore.
It's just now that my birthday's come around,
I'm having a little trouble dealing with it.
But you got a lot of friends who really care about you, man.
Please, the only friend I ever told about this was Kelly.
And she's so into her own trip tonight, she probably forgot all about me.
What is the sense of confiding in somebody
if someday they're just gonna blow you off?
The votes are in,
and you the people of West Beverly High have chosen.
It is my great honor to announce this year's
West Beverly High Spring Queen.
And the winner is. Drum roll, please.
Kelly Taylor!
- I knew you'd nail it. - Thanks.
And in the great West Beverly tradition,
the Spring Queen will now choose her king.
Brad Phillips.
And now it's time to get down and get noticed,
because we're about to choose the couple with the slickest moves.
The winning couple will receive a free large pizza
with two toppings and two beverages of choice
from Le Pizza in Beverly Hills,
and the honor of the last dance of the night
with the Spring Queen and King.
I hope it's somebody cute.
- Wish me luck, Kel. - Break a leg.
Dylan, wait until we're in the room.
Dylan, this is so beautiful.
Yeah, I thought you'd like it.
Do you know why I'm so lucky?
Why?
How many girls get to have sex for the first time with someone they love?
I don't know.
I've never really taken an opinion poll.
Dylan! Dylan, stop! Put me down!
I'm sorry, I just can't control myself.
Well, don't fight it.
- We are in the room. - We certainly are.
Betty, for God's sakes, put down that chainsaw!
You said you liked me.
- I do. I do. I really do. - I do, too. We all do.
You said he liked me.
Betty, no!
Andrea, for God's sakes, put down that chainsaw!
You said you liked me.
I do. I do. I really do.
- I like you, too. - I do, too.
- Me, too, really. - I love you.
You're a goddess.
You said you liked me.
Mom, can I borrow your evening gown?
Congratulations.
Bran, where have you been? And where's Brenda?
I'm not exactly getting a lot of support here from my friends.
Well, you're not the only one that's feeling that way, Kelly.
I've just been out there with Steve.
I really think you should abdicate your throne
and go talk to him for a minute.
Brandon, I don't want to, he's been drinking.
It's one of the reasons why we broke up.
Kelly, he needs you.
Why can't he go talk to Donna?
Because it's his birthday today.
He's really not taking it very well.
I totally forgot. Did he tell you?
Yeah.
- Don't let anybody sit here. - Okay.
Hi, Steve.
Kelly, what are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be on your throne lording it over the whole school?
Look, I'm sorry, I forgot.
- Brandon tell you I was out here? - Yeah.
Well, look, I don't need your sympathy.
I just don't understand why we can't be friends.
I confided in you, Kelly. I told you things I haven't told anybody.
I know. Like I said, I'm sorry.
Yeah, well, sorry doesn't make it okay.
This whole week, all you could think about was yourself,
this stupid dance, a ridiculous contest.
You know, it's a good thing they're not judging loyalty or character,
because let me tell you something, you'd have lost by a landslide.
I don't have to stand here and take this.
And who are you to lecture me on character?
You are generally one of the most thoughtless
and spoiled people I have ever known.
Well, surprise, we have a lot in common.
You're the only one I know who's as defective as I am.
I am not defective, Steve.
Oh, yeah?
Your mom spends half her life in detox, the other half of her life unconscious.
Shut up!
And I've never even met the man who you claim is your father.
Although I suppose it doesn't matter too much
as long as the checks keep coming in on time.
Why are you trying to ruin my night?
I'm not trying to ruin your night.
I just get so angry when all you had to do was say one word.
Just one word to let me know you cared about me!
I do care about you, Steve.
I said I'm sorry, I don't know what else I can do.
I don't know.
I'm sorry, too.
I don't know why I said these things.
'Cause deep inside you're just a jerk, that's why.
- Brandon. - Andrea, hi!
Look, I feel like a fool for coming, but...
But I don't care, all I know is I don't want to turn
into some deranged axe murderer or... Or worse yet,
wake up one morning 10 years from now
and suddenly realize that I totally missed out on high school.
Come on.
Anybody tell you you look absolutely gorgeous this evening?
Nobody that matters.
Okay, so we're down to four couples.
So your applause at the end of this next song
will determine tonight's winning couple.
Brenda, you're glowing.
Yeah, well, you have a goofy grin all over your face
and you'd better wipe it off,
- otherwise people will talk. - So let them.
Bren, you don't have to do that.
What will the maid think?
They will think that two people had a very, very good time here tonight.
Kelly, you won! You won!
Brenda, get down! Before everybody sees, get down!
Kelly, who cares? Congratulations!
I'm so sorry. I've been so selfish.
It's okay. I forgive you.
Where have you been all night?
And... And why are you so disgustingly happy?
You didn't?
You did.
Oh, my God!
- I don't believe you. Really? - Yes!
Okay, we're finally down to two couples.
And once again, your applause decides the winner.
So, couple number one.
Yeah, baby! Hot!
And couple number two.
All right, this is the last dance of the evening,
so everybody out on the floor.
- Andrea. - Yeah?
- Would you like to dance? - I'd love to.
- Don't hold me so close. - Oh, sorry.
- You know what? - What?
You smell as good as I thought you would.
What did I do to deserve this?
Brandon, do you think I'm a geek for coming to this dance by myself?
No, not at all.
We never get to slow dance in the newsroom.
Would you excuse me for a minute, I'll be right back.
Sure.
- May I? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Thank you.
You know, Kel, we really weren't finished out there.
- I know, Steve... - Quiet, let me talk for a second.
I'm sorry.
I am, too.
- I've been a jerk all night. - Me, too.
I know, but despite all the things we've gone through,
all the fights, all the stupid things we've ever said to each other,
I still love you, Kelly.
And I don't care what you say
because I know deep down inside you love me, too.
Maybe, but not the way you mean.
There's lots of different ways of loving someone.
Then I guess in my own way, I love you, too, Steve.
Happy birthday.
Could I get another one right here, you know the spot.
Come on.
Steve, have you asked Donna to dance one time tonight?
No.
What are you doing?
Steve wants to apologize for being such a lousy date.
- I'm sorry. - That's okay.
I'm sorry for wearing such a stupid dress.
Well, actually, you look beautiful in it.
Hey, is this a private party?
- Oh, you look gorgeous! - Thanks.
You should be wearing this, not me.
Thank you.
Hey, what's going on in here?
Nothing as wild as what was going on upstairs.
What was going on upstairs anyway?
What are you guys talking about?
We were down here dancing the whole time.
Of course.
Is it just me or was tonight one of the strangest nights of all time?
Definitely one of the strangest nights.
- Definitely. - Definitely.
What can I say? Spring is in the air.